Missing puzzle ?

The truth is, finding that missing piece is no easy feat.

If you are wondering

Today, I was thinking of something. It was a flashback. Like one I usually have once in a while. Of what I have done and experienced. Semester 5 was a busy and hectic one. With too much workload and too little time for me to sieve through tasks, one by one.And even less time for me to reflect and think.

Which leave holidays and breaks as the ideal time for one to ponder about life. You know, sometimes, we wonder about unnecessary things. Like how life would be, if you made another decision back then when you came upon a crossroad.

How much different things would be , if you said a different thing, or choose to do something else.

Or if you reacted differently.

But all that there is left now, is an endless list of untold tales.Yes, tales of which some you wish would come true , some of which you are glad that you never went through.

Albeit one would be nagged by all those random thoughts, it is always important to look back, and realised that the path that was chosen- even though it might not be the best, it would be something that you are happy and pleased with .

And that really made a difference.

PS- just in case if you are wondering, more interesting posts will be coming up. Stay tuned for my next posts.I need more time.I've been busy with certain forms and documents, besides meet ups with friends. .

Expectations

Mine is high. Where's yours ?

I've finally found some personal time to update, after a very busy week. Talk about stress. Outline, tests and micro presentations are overwhelming.

Let's see where my expectations take me !

Outbreak !

I shouldn't be doing this, but I can't withstand this urge to express myself. After a rather relaxed few weeks in this semester, I have developed an extreme sensitivity for stress.I have a huge amount of readings to do for my midterm later. From the US civil war reconstruction to the New Deal; it's just too much to place into my grey cells at this very hour. And with my limited concentration span, I feel like I'm gonna flunk my paper. I tried confining myself in an isolated room in the 3rd Floor but after a while, my thoughts get so distracted that there wasn't any point reading the text. At times like this, I can never explain myself. From one moment where I was overflowing with optimism, I can suddenly find myself at the deepest trenches of depression.This sort of emotional swings is worst than that of a woman. Someone,please help me. =(
And I really doubt if I 'm suited for maths. I discovered my profound interests in many other fields; economics, psychology and even politics. Heavily skewed towards the social sciences.But,I like corporate business though.

Phew. I felt much better after ranting.Back to reading about the reforms of the Progressive era.

V' Day

Everyone knows about the celebration, celebrated on February 14 .Even Google does.It's a day where lovers express their feelings to each other and shower each other with gifts and affections.Personally, I have not celebrated Valentines before. It will be the same for this year. I'll be spending my time, mostly in the room, as I have a date. Yes. A date with linear algebra.Not to say, I wasn't invited anywhere. I could have gone for a gathering , or to the airport to send the Australian bound friends off, or could also have gone clubbing.But, I'm having a test on Monday , and an oral mid term for public speaking as well.

Oh well, I don't have a partner to celebrate it, anyway. Sometime ago, someone asked me, why I didn't have one. I'm not that bad, afterall. lol. Haha. But to accurately answer that question, I guess, I have not found the right person , at the right time and at the right place. Different people have different perceptions of love. Likewise, some tend to be on the giving side, while others are at the receiving side. But for now, I guess this equivocal subject is not in my priority list.

No, I'm not a callous individual. In fact, today, Gerard showed me some touching flash animation called " There She Is". It's a show really worth watching. A classic story where love overcomes all odds. I still believe they do. =)

Anyway, I got to start on my work. I have plenty to catch up with . So long for now, and Happy Valentines Day !

Tomorrow's Eve

This is actually a very random post.

I received this just now, after a very long wait. 

Today is tomorrow's eve. The last day of 2008.  And a time when people flash back to see if they have fulfilled any of their resolutions for the year. 2008 wasn't an easy year for me. Started off with a bleak chance to fly, pretty upsetting SAT scores , followed by delirious emotional conflict . It even got worst in the middle of year due to two depressing fact I had to face. To the extend that I was inundated by an feeling of despair. It's these moments when you get to see who really cared about you. You know who you guys are. =) Really appreciated that. 

Things happen for a reason, and I realized that there wasn't any point crying over spoilt milk, yes spoilt milk instead of spilled milk. Spilled milk can still be used to feed a cat. lol. =p

Personally, I believe that those setbacks did indeed broaden my perspective in life. Learning what's necessary and what's not.  Not that I am a narrow minded person, but it really enforced the liberal side of me. 

On a different note, I can't believe that my holidays are about to end. Life's been rather good to me lately. Even giving me a free beach towel. lol.

But in a few more days, I shall be back to being a nerd. I'm taking two mathematics subject for the next semester, so I have to give it a little more effort- given my poor standard of maths. I really should be ashamed of myself for my previous calculus grades. 

And I noticed that a lot of people are taking leaves around this time of the year. I've send a few official emails lately , only to receive out-of-contact notifications. =.= On vacation, perhaps. 

Oh well, let's just hope that 2009 will be a blast. Happy New Year everyone! 

Confessions

This isn't the most interesting post, but please bear with me. I need a channel to rant.No, it's not that I'm not contented with what I have but rather it's the regret of what I have lost.But, that's just a matter of perspective.

Cheerful as I usually seem, there are times when I really break down.

You know , at times, I feel rather disappointed with myself. It's amazing , how long , I have lived , in ignorance, without realizing a lot of things. There are episodes, where I truly regret for taking things for granted. I'm not seeking to be an replica of an over-achiever, nor am I seeking to own the world.

The fact is , there's plenty of opportunities which I have always took for granted. Episodes of idling, taking people I love for granted, and even not completing what I set out to achieve. There just too much in my life. It takes a lot of courage to realized how much I have lost as a repercussion of my blatant ignorance or should I say my inability to appreciate what was there- the chance available.

Instead I do the wrong thing at the wrong time.Or sometimes, the temptation of maintaining the norm,it's just too tempting. I guess that where I should draw the line. The very reason, I am sitting here hoping while others are achieving what they want. Although, William Hung may not be the most appealing example to follow, his attitude of doing the best and having no regrets, is indeed something to look up at.

There are times, I had so much I wanted to say ,but I ended up saying nothing. Such irony in life. Perhaps, I didn't know where to start.

Today, I woke up, feeling rather disappointed with myself. I had a short chat with Yung Terd, which confirms my view that, people are losing out a lot due to the absence of opportunity. Or rather the knowledge and appreciation of it.

Everyday, I see people seeking for change.But,Change is a powerful word, that many people aspire and hope for, yet they are afraid of it at the same time.

Philosophical as it sounds, these are thoughts not many people think of . While some people are still searching for goals in life , I already have an image of it. It's just a matter of putting it into action.

You may not understand what I am talking about, for I am talking on a broad range of issues in my life.Don't bother asking. There are things that you'll never understand if you haven't been through what I have. This post shall serve as a reminder to myself,to prevent myself from disappointing myself or the people I care about, anymore. What I am today, is a product of my actions in the past.

What I am in the future? That depends on what I have the courage to do.